See everyone as a brand new challenge to fall in love.
Life experiments: taken literally!
XKCD is amazing. And can lead to interesting discussions. Remember the comic I posted a week ago?
The boyfriend and I came to the conclusion to an experiment like this scientifically correct, you would need a 3 (gender: male/female/other)X 2 (kinky/not kinky) X 2 (sexual orientation: focused on one gender/focused on more than one) design, with probably some enjoyment scale as a dependent variable.
Just imagine how large the sample size of each group should be to get decent statistical power… Better start fucking, ehm, working on that completely valid and extremely useful science-work!
Life experiments
I really like the idea of taking an experimental view on life (I am a scientist after all). Trying out something new, a way of eating, sleeping, working, living, to see how it affects me and my life. And then continuing it or not, or just have another interesting experience to remember.
In September last year I tried juice–fasting, and failed miserably. Which was not a sad thing, because it made me discover I really really like food, and not eating is really really not good for my mood.
Another example, also in the food department: some months ago I cut out sugar (almost) completely, which worked quite well for me. I was quite grumpy the first week, but I did not really miss the foods and drinks I chose not to eat. It was a positive experience. (I did start eating sugar again, because, well, sugar is nice! and difficult to avoid at times)
There are other things I’d like to try out as well:
- Not talking for a day or two
And of course, those should be days I don’t spend home alone. Preferably work days even (although I think picking a day without already scheduled meetings might be handy)
- Eat vegan for a while
Starting with a week or so. Seeing how easy or difficult it really is.
- Do something creative each day for a week
Should be easy with all the inspirational stuff I see/read/have around, but getting around and actually doing stuff is hard
- Getting up at 6am for a week or so
To see if that works for me, although it is going to be difficult because of the evening-meetings I tend to have a few times a week, which lead to me going to bed late.
- No news for a while
No newspapers, no radio, no internet-news-sites. Let’s see how well I hold up, because I do like my daily dose of what’s happening in the world
- Try out running.
I hate running. I run when I have to catch a bus, I usually say. But I did read a very simple and attractive running-schedule in a magazine I read (actually the only magazine I faithfully buy and read each time it comes out), so maybe I should try it out, to see what all the buzz is about.
- Do something sexual daily for at least a week.
I do masturbate daily, but some more active attention to sexuality would not hurt, and is probably even very nice and entertaining.
Anyone any other interesting or challenging suggestions?
Poly development. Or: The lack of a little black book becomes apparent.
Lately the boyfriend and I had a couple of difficult talks. The deadline, of which we talked about before, has been eliminated. We both saw that how we were doings things now, did not have any results. We have not have sex for 17 months, which is very long. And there does not seem to be any progress, which is not for lack of trying from the both of us.
So now I have freedom. Nothing has happened yet, and I don’t know if anything will happen in the near future, because I don’t have many easily available options. Maybe I’ll try to go out more (there seems to be a gay sauna in the neighbourhood, which has mixed evenings every once in a while), maybe I’ll try finding someone online (hmm, changing my OkCupid account to more available might not be a bad idea), maybe I’ll try to meet up with nice guys from the past (although their number is very small, and the nicest candidate turned monogamous, sadly enough).
Anyone any tips on increasing the size of my little black book?
And not just with male options?
got the picture from here, and yeah, the comments are quite offensive and stupid, but the brochure is great!
Activism yay!
Next year (which starts after summer, counting in study-years) is going to be different. Yesterday I heard I’ll be on the board of the local student union. I was pretty nervous about this, because it is something I really want to do, and there was always the possibility they would have found someone else for the job. But I got it. It is a full time function, and I’ll probably be vice-chair. Next year will therefore be full of working together with amazing people (2 of the 4 other people on the board I already know, and they’re from our local action committee, that I managed the past 6 months), learning new skills, learning a whole lot more about myself, and loads of activism for the good cause of high quality and widely accessible education. And of course for enough housing for students, a green campus (both in the tree, as in durability), and attention to possible discrimination of minorities.
So for now it is finishing my thesis (the first version is nearing it’s end, and the results are significant, yay!), getting a job for the summer (almost achieved, I’ll have a short interview in 1.5 weeks to be a postman for a month), and finding a nice, small, apartment for just me (hopefully achieved just before summer, which seems doable, since I am high on the list with some apartments I react on). And really putting some effort in becoming sexual again. Writing about sex and bdsm again. And not just writing, although I am certain that will helpt, but also experimenting again, but with and without the boyfriend. Both with women and with men.
Apparantly Google finds the difference between sex and gender very difficult
If I am searching for gender in scientific papers, I am not looking for sex. Google should know better.
BDSM-identity is fluid too.
Just as every other sexual identity is fluid (as I wrote before), bdsm-identity is fluid too. At least, in my opinion, although I think it is more fact than just mere subjective thoughts. I went from just submissive, to submissive to men and dominant towards woman, to only bottom, to maybe a bit more switch to both/all genders than I am ready to admit.
I started out in the bdsm-world as a submissive, experimenting with my boyfriends in those times. I also topped my boyfriend of that time, although that experience was more him dominating me to dominate him, and the topping was not out of my own Then I had short period where I did not feel like bdsm at all. Soon I got into it again, and that relationship, which was friendship+D/s, had also some 24/7ish features, which I liked a lot at that time. When that D/s ended, I fooled around for about two years, until I met the boyfriend, with different persons, and more or less intense bdsm-play. I did submit, quite deep some times, but that was not common, and I also got into kinds of play I did not consider before.
Where I started out with relatively simple stuff (bits of bondage/restraining, roleplay, spanking, whips, sexual stuff, candlewax, humiliation), I discovered more extreme kinds of play: breathplay, knifeplay, (almost) complete sexual availability, ageplay, petplay.**
Also, I got more interested in dominating women. I tried that out a tiny bit, but discovered that I mostly had a sadistic side, since the mental side of bdsm did not appeal to me.
It does now. And not just to dominate women, although that is still a very nice idea as well. Where I first looked down a bit upon male submissives (or well, looked down upon their desperateness), I now know a few guys who are very sure of themselves. That makes them much nicer toys. I think that with getting more self-confidence in general, more bdsm-dominant side also got more space. And that side wants to get out!
*There are of course more than two genders. I have never played with someone not cismale or cisfemale, but I don’t doubt I could top or bottom to someone outside of those categories too.
**Every type of play I mentioned can be done in a more or less extreme, or even dangerous, way. And extreme is a very subjective term of course.
Moneyslavery?
Moneyslavery is one of the stranger fetishes under the big bdsm-umbrella. Usually it consists of a submissive guy who likes spending money on a dominant women (but of course, all genders can apply to each role). Often the money is spend on lingerie, clothing or shoes. Sometimes also on dinners (e.g. where she has a large expensive meal, and he has just a salad), other items than mentioned above, or is it just cash what’s being spend, which can also been transferred through a bank instead of physically given. Often the guy does not want anything back, not even seeing the women in the clothing he bought; it’s the spending money on her in itself that gets him off. Sometimes the fact that she will wear the lingerie which is bought by him while being with someone else, is even more exciting for the moneyslave. This aspect is related to cuckolding.
Moneyslavery is an appealing idea. And where in the past I thought this was nothing for me, since I was not dominant, just sadistic every once in a while, I get attracted to this more and more. The fact that I am often broke these days makes it even more interesting of course. But even just the idea that I am this amazing women, worthy of being spend loads of money on, just because I want him to, is a very nice thought. Even arousing in some sense.
I am going to ‘spend’ some more time thinking and fantasizing about this, and then maybe even explore this new, more dominant, side of me *insert evil grin here*
On give-aways: Annoyance level reached.
Give-aways are a common thing in the blogosphere. When a blog gets enough readers, companies might send a blogger a sample product (relevant to the blog’s topic) to write about. And when a blog has even more readers, the companies might even want to give away stuff through a contest. Sometimes the blogger itself is a nice person, and makes a contest around something self-bought or -made.
This is very nice and all, but why are those contest always just including USA and sometimes Canada? Europe (where I live) is always excluded, and so are Australia, Africa, Asia and South America. Or maybe I just read the wrong blogs? It’s not that I desperately want to win stuff (although I did come across items that were very nice), but acknowledgement that there are also readers outside of the USA, would be nice, every once in a while.
And the solution is so simple: just share the shipping costs with the winner, or let the winner pay all. Problem solved, and reader annoyance vanished.
It’s my blog and I can write what I want to.
Where this blog started out to document changes, mainly on the field of sexuality and relationships, and a bit on mental health and physical health, it soon became a place where I also got involved in discussions on feminist topics and reflections on things like postsecret, and the health-part got a bit out of the picture. Lately here was still some on my personal ups and downs, some on bdsm and poly, but the original goal of the blog seems to be lost. This is not problematic to me, it just shows that people evolve over time. But I’d still like to do a recap.
Compared to a year ago:
- … I haven’t lost weight (lost it and gained it over time, and now want to lose it again).
- … the boyfriend and I are still not having sex, although there is more intimacy, and lots more fun in the whole thing.
- … there is more bdsm between, although this process is slow as well. There are several problems that need to be overcome, which mostly have to do with trust.
- … I am way more stable, both in stress as in emotions, although there are still highs and lows of cours.
- … there has been huge progress on the poly part. Where our relationship first was monogamous, we are now semi-polyamoureus, with me being allowed to persue girls. There even was some bdsm with not even one, not two, but three someone elses. Although that part is still quite difficult for the boyfriend.
It’s the beginning of spring. The time of year to start anew. On to new things, new experiences!
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