BDSM-identity is fluid too.

Just as every other sexual identity is fluid (as I wrote before), bdsm-identity is fluid too. At least, in my opinion, although I think it is more fact than just mere subjective thoughts. I went from just submissive, to submissive to men and dominant towards woman, to only bottom, to maybe a bit more switch to both/all genders than I am ready to admit.

I started out in the bdsm-world as a submissive, experimenting with my boyfriends in those times. I also topped my boyfriend of that time, although that experience was more him dominating me to dominate him, and the topping was not out of my own Then I had short period where I did not feel like bdsm at all. Soon I got into it again, and that relationship, which was friendship+D/s, had also some 24/7ish features, which I liked a lot at that time. When that D/s ended, I fooled around for about two years, until I met the boyfriend, with different persons, and more or less intense bdsm-play. I did submit, quite deep some times, but that was not common, and I also got into kinds of play I did not consider before.

Where I started out with relatively simple stuff (bits of bondage/restraining, roleplay, spanking, whips, sexual stuff, candlewax, humiliation), I discovered more extreme kinds of play: breathplay, knifeplay, (almost) complete sexual availability, ageplay, petplay.**

Also, I got more interested in dominating women. I tried that out a tiny bit, but discovered that I mostly had a sadistic side, since the mental side of bdsm did not appeal to me.

It does now. And not just to dominate women, although that is still a very nice idea as well. Where I first looked down a bit upon male submissives (or well, looked down upon their desperateness), I now know a few guys who are very sure of themselves. That makes them much nicer toys. I think that with getting more self-confidence in general, more bdsm-dominant side also got more space. And that side wants to get out!

*There are of course more than two genders. I have never played with someone not cismale or cisfemale, but I don’t doubt I could top or bottom to someone outside of those categories too.

**Every type of play I mentioned can be done in a more or less extreme, or even dangerous, way. And extreme is a very subjective term of course.

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