Posts tagged bdsm

Poly development. Or: The lack of a little black book becomes apparent.

Lately the boyfriend and I had a couple of difficult talks. The deadline, of which we talked about before, has been eliminated. We both saw that how we were doings things now, did not have any results. We have not have sex for 17 months, which is very long. And there does not seem to be any progress, which is not for lack of trying from the both of us.

So now I have freedom. Nothing has happened yet, and I don’t know if anything will happen in the near future, because I don’t have many easily available options. Maybe I’ll try to go out more (there seems to be a gay sauna in the neighbourhood, which has mixed evenings every once in a while), maybe I’ll try finding someone online (hmm, changing my OkCupid account to more available might not be a bad idea), maybe I’ll try to meet up with nice guys from the past (although their number is very small, and the nicest candidate turned monogamous, sadly enough).

Anyone any tips on increasing the size of my little black book?

And not just with male options?

got the picture from here, and yeah, the comments are quite offensive and stupid, but the brochure is great!

Advertisements

Comments (3) »

Activism yay!

Next year (which starts after summer, counting in study-years) is going to be different. Yesterday I heard I’ll be on the board of the local student union. I was pretty nervous about this, because it is something I really want to do, and there was always the possibility they would have found someone else for the job. But I got it. It is a full time function, and I’ll probably be vice-chair. Next year will therefore be full of working together with amazing people (2 of the 4 other  people on the board I already know, and they’re from our local action committee, that I managed the past 6 months), learning new skills, learning a whole lot more about myself, and loads of activism for the good cause of high quality and widely accessible education. And of course for enough housing for students, a green campus (both in the tree, as in durability), and attention to possible discrimination of minorities.

So for now it is finishing my thesis (the first version is nearing it’s end, and the results are significant, yay!), getting a job for the summer (almost achieved, I’ll have a short interview in 1.5 weeks to be a postman for a month), and finding a nice, small, apartment for just me (hopefully achieved just before summer, which seems doable, since I am high on the list with some apartments I react on). And really putting some effort in becoming sexual again. Writing about sex and bdsm again. And not just writing, although I am certain that will helpt, but also experimenting again, but with and without the boyfriend. Both with women and with men.

Leave a comment »

Moneyslavery?

Moneyslavery is one of the stranger fetishes under the big bdsm-umbrella. Usually it consists of a submissive guy who likes spending money on a dominant women (but of course, all genders can apply to each role). Often the money is spend on lingerie, clothing or shoes. Sometimes also on dinners (e.g. where she has a large expensive meal, and he has just a salad), other items than mentioned above, or is it just cash what’s being spend, which can also been transferred through a bank instead of physically given. Often the guy does not want anything back, not even seeing the women in the clothing he bought; it’s the spending money on her in itself that gets him off. Sometimes the fact that she will wear the lingerie which is bought by him while being with someone else, is even more exciting for the moneyslave. This aspect is related to cuckolding.

Moneyslavery is an appealing idea. And where in the past I thought this was nothing for me, since I was not dominant, just sadistic every once in a while, I get attracted to this more and more. The fact that I am often broke these days makes it even more interesting of course. But even just the idea that I am this amazing women, worthy of being spend loads of money on, just because I want him to, is a very nice thought. Even arousing in some sense.

I am going to ‘spend’ some more time thinking and fantasizing about this, and then maybe even explore this new, more dominant, side of me *insert evil grin here*

Comments (2) »

It’s my blog and I can write what I want to.

Where this blog started out to document changes, mainly on the field of sexuality and relationships, and a bit on mental health and physical health, it soon became a place where I also got involved in discussions on feminist topics and reflections on things like postsecret, and the health-part got a bit out of the picture. Lately here was still some on my personal ups and downs, some on bdsm and poly, but the original goal of the blog seems to be lost. This is not problematic to me, it just shows that people evolve over time. But I’d still like to do a recap.

Compared to a year ago:

  • … I haven’t lost weight (lost it and gained it over time, and now want to lose it again).
  • … the boyfriend and I are still not having sex, although there is more intimacy, and lots more fun in the whole thing.
  • … there is more bdsm between, although this process is slow as well. There are several problems that need to be overcome, which mostly have to do with trust.
  • … I am way more stable, both in stress as in emotions, although there are still highs and lows of cours.
  • … there has been huge progress on the poly part. Where our relationship first was monogamous, we are now semi-polyamoureus, with me being allowed to persue girls. There even was some bdsm with not even one, not two, but three someone elses. Although that part is still quite difficult for the boyfriend.

It’s the beginning of spring. The time of year to start anew. On to new things, new experiences!

Leave a comment »

Suspension <3

Bondage rocks. I have been loving ropes since the beginning of my bdsm-career, but I never had partners who had a lot of experience in this field. I started anew with at least three people, so more extreme stuff than a harness, binding of breasts and tying together wrists had never happened.

Luckily, I do have friends who are very into bondage, and also into suspension. So a few weeks ago I asked Dancer if he could do a suspension with/to me. He liked the idea, and the boyfriend was fine with it too, so one week later the boyfriend and I went over to Dancer’s place. In the middle of the living room he had put a hook in the ceiling, which was stable and strong enough to handle a body hanging from it.

I started with getting (almost) naked, and Dancer started with a chest-harness and tying my arms behind my back. This gave some slight problems because me arms started to hurt relatively quickly, but the pain passed after the ropes were adjusted a bit. The next part that got ropes around it were my thighs, after which the harness was attached to the ceiling-hook. We decided on a sitting position, so first my right leg went up in the air, followed by my left.

… which lead to so much pain in my arms, that I had to be led down immediately.

We did some ground-bondage afterwards (also so the boyfriend could learn), but I felt quite disappointed, because I had been looking forward to hanging in the air a lot.

Luckily, the next chance presented itself just three days ago. I spend sunday-afternoon at a play-party with some friends. I used to be a regular there, but because of the end of a relationship and the distance (1.5hours by train), I had not been there in a while. There I re-met a women,  who I had talked with a bit on a party two years ago. When I saw another women in the ropes, I made a comment on her possible dizzyness since she was being swirled around, the woman offered to let me experience it for myself.

First semi-nakedness again, then some ropes above and under my breasts, and some around my hips, in a very simple way. Then some ropes around my ankles, separate from each other. After some fiddling with the suspension-point, I went up in the air, horizontal, belly-down.

I was being made to twirl in circles, and swinging back and forth. She discovered that I squeel when being hit hard enough with a wooden spoon, and I discovered that being stroked with a fox-tail is incredibly nice and soft. The most difficult thing was breathing, unexpectedly, especially because the rope around my hips kept sliding to my belly. Because of that, it did not last as long as I would have ideally liked.. I was taken back to the ground, the ropes went off, and after a big hug, I went back into the real world again, with friends and chinese food.

picture from here

Leave a comment »

I’ve got a new term to identify with!

The past weeks (with all the events with India-girl and my first suspension experience) really made me think about how I experience bdsm at the moment, and what kind of submissive I am. When I started with bdsm I identified as a submissive, which meant for me that I liked the whole spectrum of BDSM, and that I was always a bit subservient to my dominant. I never really aimed at TPE or 24/7, but I liked some kind of a ongoing powerrelation, however light at times.

After the rape, and after I decided (first subconsciously and later consciously) that for now I only want to submit by choice of that moment, I started to identify more as a bottom. I wanted pain and bondage and other play things, but no power exchange outside of a scene. Instead of something deeply felt inside, the dom/sub-mindset became more of a roleplay.

I never saw myself as a bratty sub. I tend to do what I am told, and be completely happy with that, and won’t directly disobey orders (except when they go over my boundaries of that time, of course). However, I do make witty comments, push my dominant a little by teasing or tickling. Also, I tend to whine when ‘mean stuff’ is being done to me. I like the mean stuff of course, else I would not participate, but feeling sorry for myself, pouting a bit and being teased with that is a kind of ‘roleplay’ that really works for me at the moment. I fall into this behaviour almost automatically, and feels it very comfortable, fitting and nice.

When talking with Dancer (a friend of mine, who is quite into bondage, and into dancing) on the evening of my first suspension, he mentioned the term SAM: Smart Ass Masochist. Although I like pain, and I am a masochist, this is not a term that I use to label myself, the term did not fit completely. Suddenly all things fell into place, and a new term was born: SAB, Smart Ass Bottom. And it fits like a glove. Or a tight, restraining rope-harness 😉

Leave a comment »

Unexpected bdsm.

The afterparty of a big meeting of a group of poly people. The people who keep lingering are not just poly, but also into bdsm. You bind my wrists together, to see what effect is has on me, since I mentioned that ‘just a little rope makes me go fuzzy’. The discovery that you can now take me around the room with me just following, seems to be very exciting to you. You bind me to the fridge in the corner of the room, to the bicycle pump, to a pot of milk on the stove. I have to kneel, to sit straight, which is remarkably difficult if the situation is so absurd and unexpected that I can only get into steeps of laughter.

Somewhere in between the bicycle pump and mentioning of a cardboard box (usually used for moving, but also effective in bdsm-play, as I am about to find out) I decide that this is a game deserved to be played out. You are the ordering party, and I am the ordered.

The box, yes the box. In which I end up with my head and shoulders, on my hand and knees, with my butt sticking out. Very elegant. With an icecube on the bare piece of my back. You make me guess what it is, and I name every kind of food that could possibly have come from the fridge of a vegetarian. I try not to think too much about the position I am in. There are four other people in the room besides us, and although I see two of those as friends, and the other two seem nice enough as well, this is a humiliating position. Although this would probably have induced the same feelings if we would have been just the two of us. I’m not sure if you shove the embarrassment in my face a bit more, but it would have fit the pattern.

I mention it to you when my legs start to hurt. You remove the box, take me to the couch. You seem surprised with my fuzzy-ness. I cuddle up to you, wanting some comfort, which you provide. You bring me a glass of water, ‘because else I can’t put her in a box any more’.

Throughout the rest of the evening you keep me close, and I you. Cuddles, little kisses, a bite in my neck when I don’t expect it, some slight hair-pulling. It all feels very warm and safe.

The evening ends with fuzzy, happy feelings. And those were not just there because of the slight powerdynamic that happen between us.

Comments (1) »