Archive for May, 2010

Poly development. Or: The lack of a little black book becomes apparent.

Lately the boyfriend and I had a couple of difficult talks. The deadline, of which we talked about before, has been eliminated. We both saw that how we were doings things now, did not have any results. We have not have sex for 17 months, which is very long. And there does not seem to be any progress, which is not for lack of trying from the both of us.

So now I have freedom. Nothing has happened yet, and I don’t know if anything will happen in the near future, because I don’t have many easily available options. Maybe I’ll try to go out more (there seems to be a gay sauna in the neighbourhood, which has mixed evenings every once in a while), maybe I’ll try finding someone online (hmm, changing my OkCupid account to more available might not be a bad idea), maybe I’ll try to meet up with nice guys from the past (although their number is very small, and the nicest candidate turned monogamous, sadly enough).

Anyone any tips on increasing the size of my little black book?

And not just with male options?

got the picture from here, and yeah, the comments are quite offensive and stupid, but the brochure is great!

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Activism yay!

Next year (which starts after summer, counting in study-years) is going to be different. Yesterday I heard I’ll be on the board of the local student union. I was pretty nervous about this, because it is something I really want to do, and there was always the possibility they would have found someone else for the job. But I got it. It is a full time function, and I’ll probably be vice-chair. Next year will therefore be full of working together with amazing people (2 of the 4 otherĀ  people on the board I already know, and they’re from our local action committee, that I managed the past 6 months), learning new skills, learning a whole lot more about myself, and loads of activism for the good cause of high quality and widely accessible education. And of course for enough housing for students, a green campus (both in the tree, as in durability), and attention to possible discrimination of minorities.

So for now it is finishing my thesis (the first version is nearing it’s end, and the results are significant, yay!), getting a job for the summer (almost achieved, I’ll have a short interview in 1.5 weeks to be a postman for a month), and finding a nice, small, apartment for just me (hopefully achieved just before summer, which seems doable, since I am high on the list with some apartments I react on). And really putting some effort in becoming sexual again. Writing about sex and bdsm again. And not just writing, although I am certain that will helpt, but also experimenting again, but with and without the boyfriend. Both with women and with men.

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Apparantly Google finds the difference between sex and gender very difficult

If I am searching for gender in scientific papers, I am not looking for sex. Google should know better.

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BDSM-identity is fluid too.

Just as every other sexual identity is fluid (as I wrote before), bdsm-identity is fluid too. At least, in my opinion, although I think it is more fact than just mere subjective thoughts. I went from just submissive, to submissive to men and dominant towards woman, to only bottom, to maybe a bit more switch to both/all genders than I am ready to admit.

I started out in the bdsm-world as a submissive, experimenting with my boyfriends in those times. I also topped my boyfriend of that time, although that experience was more him dominating me to dominate him, and the topping was not out of my own Then I had short period where I did not feel like bdsm at all. Soon I got into it again, and that relationship, which was friendship+D/s, had also some 24/7ish features, which I liked a lot at that time. When that D/s ended, I fooled around for about two years, until I met the boyfriend, with different persons, and more or less intense bdsm-play. I did submit, quite deep some times, but that was not common, and I also got into kinds of play I did not consider before.

Where I started out with relatively simple stuff (bits of bondage/restraining, roleplay, spanking, whips, sexual stuff, candlewax, humiliation), I discovered more extreme kinds of play: breathplay, knifeplay, (almost) complete sexual availability, ageplay, petplay.**

Also, I got more interested in dominating women. I tried that out a tiny bit, but discovered that I mostly had a sadistic side, since the mental side of bdsm did not appeal to me.

It does now. And not just to dominate women, although that is still a very nice idea as well. Where I first looked down a bit upon male submissives (or well, looked down upon their desperateness), I now know a few guys who are very sure of themselves. That makes them much nicer toys. I think that with getting more self-confidence in general, more bdsm-dominant side also got more space. And that side wants to get out!

*There are of course more than two genders. I have never played with someone not cismale or cisfemale, but I don’t doubt I could top or bottom to someone outside of those categories too.

**Every type of play I mentioned can be done in a more or less extreme, or even dangerous, way. And extreme is a very subjective term of course.

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Moneyslavery?

Moneyslavery is one of the stranger fetishes under the big bdsm-umbrella. Usually it consists of a submissive guy who likes spending money on a dominant women (but of course, all genders can apply to each role). Often the money is spend on lingerie, clothing or shoes. Sometimes also on dinners (e.g. where she has a large expensive meal, and he has just a salad), other items than mentioned above, or is it just cash what’s being spend, which can also been transferred through a bank instead of physically given. Often the guy does not want anything back, not even seeing the women in the clothing he bought; it’s the spending money on her in itself that gets him off. Sometimes the fact that she will wear the lingerie which is bought by him while being with someone else, is even more exciting for the moneyslave. This aspect is related to cuckolding.

Moneyslavery is an appealing idea. And where in the past I thought this was nothing for me, since I was not dominant, just sadistic every once in a while, I get attracted to this more and more. The fact that I am often broke these days makes it even more interesting of course. But even just the idea that I am this amazing women, worthy of being spend loads of money on, just because I want him to, is a very nice thought. Even arousing in some sense.

I am going to ‘spend’ some more time thinking and fantasizing about this, and then maybe even explore this new, more dominant, side of me *insert evil grin here*

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