Together with the jump, come big steps.

Maybe it’s time for big steps this week. On Friday I called an organization and asked them if they could put me through thorough psychological diagnostic testing.

It’s not that I am not functioning. I am, and I am doing quite well even, especially because I’m on the happy-end of a moodswing at the moment. Because I do “suffer” from moodswings, that can be relatively intense. Although I can be really focused, I’m also distracted and bored easily. I’m prone to small periods of depressed feelings, which have been re-occurring for years. I’m not able to deal with stress well, which resulted in a burn-out. I have been bullied in primary school, had a abusive relationship (asshole ex), got raped by a boyfriend (Viking), saw my sister get hit by a car, had lots of issues with my step-dad, had bad self-esteem, have a lack of money. And of course, there are my sexual problems. It is difficult to describe, because I feel good now, and the bad stuff feels only theoretical, but I know it’s there, and I know the pendulum will swing to a more moody me sooner or later.

They called me back today, and after a short talk it was decided I should find my help elsewhere, since I cannot and want not be put under one single diagnosis. First extensive intake, than maybe a diagnosis, if any. So I searched on, and found a practice in my own town, with a very holistic approach. They are a bit fuzzy (doing reiki and such as well, next to psychotherapy and methods that have more scientific evidence on their side), but their way of working appeals to me, with lots of reflection, an equal relationship between client and therapist, and the extensive intake I ask for. I hope this will work out.

Also, another big step will take place next Saturday, the day after my birthday. My hair, which is now quite long, will be cut. Into a short pixie-haircut of some kind. I am really excited (and somewhat scared) about it!

And apparently, this is my 100th post! So, big step number three! That deserves cake:

Picture cake from one ordinary day (with recipe)

4 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    eisnacht said,

    You’re doing the right thing. Also, cake is pretty and disturbingly colorful :). I love the tree picture, though. And I am really looking forward to seeing you with short hair!

  2. 2

    Aemca said,

    Hmm cutting hair, not a fan…

  3. 4

    Icey said,

    Sooo what you’re actually trying to accomplish is getting everyone confused on sunday because noone will reckognise you and then you’ll laugh about us being confused.

    Good thing im prepared then. Well if I actually show up.. not sure yet >.<

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