A new focus point.

Breathing through my vagina.How ridiculous that may sound, that is the suggestion I got yesterday from my sexologist, to get more in touch with my sexual side again.

Because I do feel like I’ve lost that. I just don’t feel sexual, I don’t get aroused and I feel completely stuck. When that feeling got really strong last weekend, the boyfriend was amazingly sweet and comforting. Telling me  that it’s normal that desire fluctuates, and that without initiative (from both sides) it was even less strange that I did not feel like sex. Although that helped a bit a at the moment, the helpless feeling did not change. Also because I did execute the plan we had and it did not do anything. Apparently feelings of sadness only follows penetration when it takes place in a sexual context.

So the visit yesterday was timed quite well, because usually I feel quite positive when going to a therapist, and this time I felt really grumpy. So we talked. I could rant about all the (other) stressors in my life, about that I’m sick of not being able to have sex (it has almost been a year, dammit!), that I want to be done with this, and that I really don’t know what to do anymore.

And because she knows I try to meditate regularly, she advised me to “breathe trough my vagina”. Or, phrased differently, instead of putting  my focus point in my belly (which is quite common in meditation), my pocus point  should be a bit lower. It makes a lot of sense to me, and it gives me a bit of hope. Maybe everything can still be turned around.

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