TMI Tuesday #200

1. What is the longest you have been in a monogamous sexual relationship? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about.]

20 months, and I did that twice, in the period from 16 till 20. Right now my monogamous relationship had lasted one year, and half a month.

2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort?

Emotional comfort: yes, I have friends, several of which are very very dear to me, and they would provide more emotional comfort than I would ever need.

Physical comfort: There are some people on the edges of my life, that I probably could call when I wanted sex. And from experience I know that it is not very difficult for me to get sexual attention from guys when I feel like it. I just doubt that I’ll want that if the boyfriend and I would break up, I would want that, taking into account my sexual problems.

And as far as hugs and cuddles go, the good friends mentioned above would be able to provide in that too. I have very cuddly friends 😄

3. Can you be “just friends” with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction?

I think I can, since this is about unrequited sexual attraction and not love. The latter would be way more difficult, although I know I can indulge in feeling in love, without bothering anyone with it (except maybe the boyfriend, who would not like it if I really fell in love with someone, even if it was unrequited). Unrequited sexual attraction would probably lead to sometimes fantasizing about that person, but that would have no effect on the friendship (at least, not on my side).

4. In a assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.]

I have never been cheated on, at least, not as far as I know of. I once kissed someone else when I was in a relationship. To which I must add that the day after I broke up with the guy I had the relationship with, and started something with the guy I had kissed the day before. This made me feel so bad, and it was thrown in my face (by the new boyfriend, the asshole-ex) so often, even more than a year after, that I decided to never cheat again. And I haven’t.

5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships?

I would say that is a close tie between polyamory, and me having doubts to as far I can commit to a steady future (like living together) of the relationship of me and the boyfriend.

Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship?

I want trust and confidence, mutual trust and confidence, and openness and honesty. I want to take part in that persons life, and not just stand at the sideline, and I want that person to want to take part in my life too. Although I would like to see the intertwining of lives to increase over time, I also want certain levels of freedom, and my own space, and my partner should be able to give me that, without compromising his or her own wishes. And I want to have a good time with that person, because if the bad stuff starts to outweigh the good stuff (with no hope of things getting better, or when the price for that is too large), the relationship is not healthy any more, and should be ended.


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