Creeping back from out of the dark…

Recently, the past few weeks, I’ve been rude and harsh to some people. Telling them that “they could leave if they said that one more time”, “I could go as well”, things like that. Not very nice. I first ‘blamed’ that on my “rape-recovery revisited”, because that took a lot of my energy and I did not have any other coping mechanisms left when someone did something that was somewhat offensive to me.

But it got me thinking. So I’m easily annoyed, and can’t cope with that in a good way. I can’t do more than one thing at the time, like talking and working on something, especially when the talking involves some other action I have to do next (which is connected to the following point). I get easily confused when I have to do something “big”, with many different aspects (like making a high-tea with 9 different little things to eat, but even grocery shopping is hard sometimes). I am tired all the time. I dream my ass off (next post will be a dream post again).

I am slowly getting burned out again.

Which is in some sense weird, because I enjoy what I do tremendously, and I don’t feel that stressed (although the stressed out tiredness I feel lying on my chest sometimes, should have given something away). I am going to talk about this with my thesis-coordinator today when we have our weekly meeting, and I am going to make an appointment with my general practitioner when I’m back from the boyfriend. Because I don’t think that just that meditation-course is going to help against this.


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