The long awaited masturbation-post.

My sexologist cancelled my appointment for today, so the idea was to write something about sex to make up for that. The topic of today is: masturbation.

I have been masturbating for over a decade now. I started around the age of 12, but I know I did have sexual fantasies before that age. In the beginning i found touching myself  “down there” a bit scary, mostly because of the fluids that came free when I played with myself; I was afraid I would completely wet the bed or something. So I always used a little pillow I had made myself, and pressed that against my cunt until I came. I would only use my fingers when I would take a bath, but later on (I have no idea of the time scale here) I would also finger myself when I lay in bed at night.

Not that I had orgasms immediately after I started experimenting with masturbation, that took a little while. In the beginning I would stop when things started to be very sensitive, which meant I stopped just before I had an orgasms, but after a while (this might have been days, but also weeks) I continued, and I came. After that, I was addicted. I would play with myself, and make myself come every evening, usually even multiple times. My record of amount of orgasms comes from that early time: about 8, when I was 17. I never achieved that again.

When I was 17, I also bought my first vibrator: a small, white, hard plastic thing. I liked it a lot, and it made me come quite easily (although I never had problems getting off, I could do it within two minutes from start to finish usually). This toy was followed by a similar one, which was a bit bigger and purple, but did not do anything extra. I never had money to buy a super fancy Tarzan like thing, but mostly, I never felt like I needed it.

From my 18th till my 20th I did not use any vibrators: I even threw out the ones I had. My boyfriend of the time (the asshole-ex) did not like me playing with toys, so I didn’t. I also did not masturbate that much in that time. We had this rule that I had to ask permission before I could play with myself, but after it had happened a few times that I had asked him for permission while he was not in the mood which lead to an annoyed reply, I just stopped asking. And stopped masturbating as well, because of the good girl I am.

I really started again after we broke up. I went to town with a good friend, and bought a pink, jelly vib (did not use that one much, because jelly makes my vagina and ass hurt) and a little vibrating bullet-like thingie. I loved the last one, and used it a lot. In that time I also started to cybersex every once in a while, without cam, I might add. Just signing on a chatsite, and getting off while someone told me all the things he wanted to do to me.

I had a bit more money in that time, so later on  I also bought a Layaspot, and that is still the best vibrating toy I ever had. It’s buzzes hard enough to get me off quickly, and it’s easy to use. Last birthday, I got the Lelo Nea I had been wanting for quite a while, but sadly the vibrations are too soft to really get me going 😦

Porn never  really did it for me. I did have some standard dirty magazines when I was 17/18 and I found that amazingly hot. When I had my own internet-connection (from my 18th year on), I sometimes looked for porn, but I could never find nice stuff. Nowadays I do know some sites which have short movie-clips (when I want porn, I want it now, and I don’t want to wait till it downloads). I prefer amateur stuff, because it seems more real, and masturbating women, because that is just plain hot. Or girls doing stuff with girls. Or guys doing stuff with guys. Hmm, I guess that when I watch stuff, I’m not that picky, although I don’t like watching bdsm-porn for some reason, don’t really know why.

There was a period where I did not masturbate that much, just after the thing with Viking happened. Sex repulsed me, and my own orgasms too. After a few weeks, I started again, mostly to get to sleep easily and not because of arousal. This went on for months, masturbating became more of a habit than something hot and sexy.

I still play with myself almost every evening, and I always have one or two orgasms. Lately they have become nicer and nicer, probably because I’m fantasizing again, getting aroused again, enjoying my sexuality. I’m taking steps forward again, steps towards healing, and it feels good! Orgasms FTW!

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Femme Mystique said,

    It sucks that masturbation is often so stigmatized.

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