The place I call home.

I’m very attached to my place, my room, the little spot on this earth I can call mine. When I don’t have a spot like that, I become restless, tired, easily annoyed: not a very nice person.

This is sometimes difficult. I am very protective of my place. Of all my friends only a handful have been here. Mostly because I don’t live in the centre of town (it’s a 30 minute cycle-ride from the central station, or about the same travel-time by bus), but also because it easily bothers me when someone enters my personal zone. It makes me feel like I then am responsible for the other person enjoyment, and that drains my energy quite quickly: I’m always worried and afraid I’m not entertaining enough. Even with the boyfriend I still have that, while he his been here multiple times for multiple days, and I know he can take care of his own happiness. It does not help that my room is quite small, so there’s not room for more than 4 people (and then it’s -full-), and the edges of ones personal space are easily reached. Literally.

So most of the time, I protect my little spot, not letting anyone in, and alwas going out and going to others. I think it is not a bad thing to be needing my own space, but my protectiveness is a bit too enormous these days. I want to change that. I don’t think I can do that while I live in this small room, but I still have the hope of moving to a small two-room appartment when summer comes. There I will invite everyone, all the nice people I got to know over the past months and years and want to get to know better. And pull them closer.

Create a home.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    knuffelslet said,

    I can recognize that. My room is my temple. I’m really having a hard time letting strangers in. In fact I don’t think any of my current housemates has been in it. When I invited some friends from out of town two months ago, it was the first time in years I had real guests (people who aren’t my family or my girlfriend).

    One step in inviting people into my life would be inviting them into my temple.

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