The emptyness is spreading

The boyfriend went home this morning, and as always I feel a bit lost now. A bit sad too. Nothing happened this whole week on sex and/or bdsm-level, completely nothing. There was some cuddling, some back-scratching, a few intense kisses. Less than last time, a lot less than the time before that, and incomparable less compared to before my issues started to become apparent.

And this decrease is physical closeness now starts to lead to a decrease in intimacy, which leads to a situation where sex is even more difficult than it already is, which is reinforcing the lessening of intimacy… Viscieus circel. It feels like it’s slipping away. Everything is slipping away, and the fear, this intense paralyzing fear, is only getting worse.

I just want this to be over, I want it to be easy again, to be able to be seemingly careless about it again,  I want to really [i]want[/i] sex again so badly…

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