The story of the asshole-ex.

The whole 45 minutes at the sexologist were spend talking about the asshole-ex. Because he is. Telling everything, the whole story, many of the details, made it so incredibly clear that things really had gone terribly wrong in that relationship.

It started in the beginning. I had kissed him while I was still together with someone else (one day later I broke up with that guy, by the way). Therefore asshole-ex wanted us to not see each-other for 2 months so I could prove I would not cheat on him. Do you see the logic? No, me neither. But I agreed, because I really wanted the relationship to work. Already in that stage the subconscious idea was brought into my head that if I did not do what he told me to, he would break up with me. And that was a devastating idea to me.

To make a long story short, the relationship (which lasted 20 months) consisted of:

– his mother calling me selfish, mean, narcissistic and egoistic

– being called a liar and manipulator

– not being able to say or do anything right

– safewords which were being “not heard”

– his sexual needs being met, but not mine

– my family being called terrible things

– extreme restrictions on internet-use, and even on seeing (male) friends

– not being allowed to talk about the D/s-part of our relationship, and especially not about the problems we had

– being expected to do most of the cleaning in his house when I was there “since I was home anyway”, despite the fact I also had to study

– being expected to help painting and such in his new house, all the free time I had

– my parents being blamed for not helping, and when my mother did something, it was not good enough

– four months (the last ones) of constant fighting

And on top of all that:

– he did not want any physical contact when we had had a fight, but the last night I slept over he did. While I didn’t. I first complied, which already felt as abuse to me but I was too scared, too brainwashed even to say no. When he wanted more than a hand-job, I got angry and stopped. He -never- apologized for this. He “thought that fitted into our relationship”.

You might understand how relieved I was, immediately after he broke up with me. During the relationship I believed everything he and his mother told me to; when it was over, I quickly became myself again.

The funny part: months later he said he has changed and wanted me back… You guess what my answer was 😉


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