This week is a weird week. First, there was this evening where out of nowhere there was some bdsm-ish play between me and India-girl. It made me feel happy and giddy for a couple days. Then there was the death-day of my sister, who died seven years ago after a car-accident. That same day I got a call from my father, who told me that my grandmother, 88 years old, had passed away. As planned weeks before, the boyfriend came over, which made for some much needed comfort. We still followed up on our plan to try out some bondage with a friend of ours. It was quite intense and emotional for the both of us. This morning I felt very uncertain about our relationship, but that was resolved after some good talking. Unrelated to that little crisis, I asked him to go home, because I prefer to deal with the pain and grief about my grandmother by myself.
This week my emotions went from extremely happy and hyper, to completely and utterly sad. I do think I dealt with all of it relatively well, staying close to what I felt, and acting what was best for me at any given moment. It also was, and still is, tiring as hell. I am planning to create some extra rest the next couple of days, with lots of reflection and possibly lots of writing.
I think sexual orientation is fluid, and changes over time. Also, it has more components than just sex. It is also about relational aspects and about who you fall in love it.
Both these terms I like a lot, and I might use those terms in the future to identify myself. Mostly because I do see the problem that the term ‘bisexual’ assumes a binary view of gender, while there are much more variations than just two. And I do not care about gender in the people I am attracted to. But I think it might take some more time while walk around in the bisexual community and maybe getting to know people who don’t see themselves falling into the three ‘accepted’ orientations, for me to see that term fitting to me.
