See everyone as a brand new challenge to fall in love.
The boyfriend and I came to the conclusion to an experiment like this scientifically correct, you would need a 3 (gender: male/female/other)X 2 (kinky/not kinky) X 2 (sexual orientation: focused on one gender/focused on more than one) design, with probably some enjoyment scale as a dependent variable.
Just imagine how large the sample size of each group should be to get decent statistical power… Better start fucking, ehm, working on that completely valid and extremely useful science-work!
I really like the idea of taking an experimental view on life (I am a scientist after all). Trying out something new, a way of eating, sleeping, working, living, to see how it affects me and my life. And then continuing it or not, or just have another interesting experience to remember.
In September last year I tried juice-fasting, and failed miserably. Which was not a sad thing, because it made me discover I really really like food, and not eating is really really not good for my mood.
Another example, also in the food department: some months ago I cut out sugar (almost) completely, which worked quite well for me. I was quite grumpy the first week, but I did not really miss the foods and drinks I chose not to eat. It was a positive experience. (I did start eating sugar again, because, well, sugar is nice! and difficult to avoid at times)
There are other things I’d like to try out as well:
- Not talking for a day or two
And of course, those should be days I don’t spend home alone. Preferably work days even (although I think picking a day without already scheduled meetings might be handy)
- Eat vegan for a while
Starting with a week or so. Seeing how easy or difficult it really is.
- Do something creative each day for a week
Should be easy with all the inspirational stuff I see/read/have around, but getting around and actually doing stuff is hard
- Getting up at 6am for a week or so
To see if that works for me, although it is going to be difficult because of the evening-meetings I tend to have a few times a week, which lead to me going to bed late.
- No news for a while
No newspapers, no radio, no internet-news-sites. Let’s see how well I hold up, because I do like my daily dose of what’s happening in the world
- Try out running.
I hate running. I run when I have to catch a bus, I usually say. But I did read a very simple and attractive running-schedule in a magazine I read (actually the only magazine I faithfully buy and read each time it comes out), so maybe I should try it out, to see what all the buzz is about.
- Do something sexual daily for at least a week.
I do masturbate daily, but some more active attention to sexuality would not hurt, and is probably even very nice and entertaining.
Anyone any other interesting or challenging suggestions?
Lately the boyfriend and I had a couple of difficult talks. The deadline, of which we talked about before, has been eliminated. We both saw that how we were doings things now, did not have any results. We have not have sex for 17 months, which is very long. And there does not seem to be any progress, which is not for lack of trying from the both of us.
So now I have freedom. Nothing has happened yet, and I don’t know if anything will happen in the near future, because I don’t have many easily available options. Maybe I’ll try to go out more (there seems to be a gay sauna in the neighbourhood, which has mixed evenings every once in a while), maybe I’ll try finding someone online (hmm, changing my OkCupid account to more available might not be a bad idea), maybe I’ll try to meet up with nice guys from the past (although their number is very small, and the nicest candidate turned monogamous, sadly enough).
Anyone any tips on increasing the size of my little black book?
And not just with male options?
got the picture from here, and yeah, the comments are quite offensive and stupid, but the brochure is great!
Next year (which starts after summer, counting in study-years) is going to be different. Yesterday I heard I’ll be on the board of the local student union. I was pretty nervous about this, because it is something I really want to do, and there was always the possibility they would have found someone else for the job. But I got it. It is a full time function, and I’ll probably be vice-chair. Next year will therefore be full of working together with amazing people (2 of the 4 other people on the board I already know, and they’re from our local action committee, that I managed the past 6 months), learning new skills, learning a whole lot more about myself, and loads of activism for the good cause of high quality and widely accessible education. And of course for enough housing for students, a green campus (both in the tree, as in durability), and attention to possible discrimination of minorities.
So for now it is finishing my thesis (the first version is nearing it’s end, and the results are significant, yay!), getting a job for the summer (almost achieved, I’ll have a short interview in 1.5 weeks to be a postman for a month), and finding a nice, small, apartment for just me (hopefully achieved just before summer, which seems doable, since I am high on the list with some apartments I react on). And really putting some effort in becoming sexual again. Writing about sex and bdsm again. And not just writing, although I am certain that will helpt, but also experimenting again, but with and without the boyfriend. Both with women and with men.
If I am searching for gender in scientific papers, I am not looking for sex. Google should know better.
Just as every other sexual identity is fluid (as I wrote before), bdsm-identity is fluid too. At least, in my opinion, although I think it is more fact than just mere subjective thoughts. I went from just submissive, to submissive to men and dominant towards woman, to only bottom, to maybe a bit more switch to both/all genders than I am ready to admit.
I started out in the bdsm-world as a submissive, experimenting with my boyfriends in those times. I also topped my boyfriend of that time, although that experience was more him dominating me to dominate him, and the topping was not out of my own Then I had short period where I did not feel like bdsm at all. Soon I got into it again, and that relationship, which was friendship+D/s, had also some 24/7ish features, which I liked a lot at that time. When that D/s ended, I fooled around for about two years, until I met the boyfriend, with different persons, and more or less intense bdsm-play. I did submit, quite deep some times, but that was not common, and I also got into kinds of play I did not consider before.
Where I started out with relatively simple stuff (bits of bondage/restraining, roleplay, spanking, whips, sexual stuff, candlewax, humiliation), I discovered more extreme kinds of play: breathplay, knifeplay, (almost) complete sexual availability, ageplay, petplay.**
Also, I got more interested in dominating women. I tried that out a tiny bit, but discovered that I mostly had a sadistic side, since the mental side of bdsm did not appeal to me.
It does now. And not just to dominate women, although that is still a very nice idea as well. Where I first looked down a bit upon male submissives (or well, looked down upon their desperateness), I now know a few guys who are very sure of themselves. That makes them much nicer toys. I think that with getting more self-confidence in general, more bdsm-dominant side also got more space. And that side wants to get out!
*There are of course more than two genders. I have never played with someone not cismale or cisfemale, but I don’t doubt I could top or bottom to someone outside of those categories too.
**Every type of play I mentioned can be done in a more or less extreme, or even dangerous, way. And extreme is a very subjective term of course.